


AAAAA.txt

by imalright



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Gen, this fic is very very good and serious i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26346883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imalright/pseuds/imalright
Summary: “What is,” Dimitri’s brow furrows together, “An ‘oomf’?”
Comments: 20
Kudos: 77





	AAAAA.txt

**Author's Note:**

> CC prompt: blue lions fandom drama

“What is,” Dimitri’s brow furrows together, “An ‘oomf’?”

Sylvain sighs. These people don’t know anything. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. Bern?”

Bernadetta furiously shakes her head and sinks into the shadows under her desk. “Absolutely not. No way. I’m not getting involved in this stuff again.”

“Again?  _ Sylvain!” _ Ingrid stands to shield Bernadetta with her selfless, knightly body. “Stop dragging her into your nonsense!”

“Is everything okay?” Dimitri asks. Everyone ignores him.

“Why do you even care what these people think?” Felix snaps and tears the scroll out of Dimitri’s hands. “They’re stupid and you’re literally never going to meet them.”

“It’s about the principle!” Sylvain says as he takes the scroll back from Felix. He unrolls it and clears his throat. “In response to my original tweet —”

“What’s a tweet?” Dimitri asks. Everyone ignores him.

“—  _ someone _ used a sock puppet account to say that I’m stinky and problematic! Who said this?!”

Ingrid sniffs and scrunches up her nose. “What was yoru original tweet?”

“Is it called a ‘tweet’ because a bird carries your message?” Dimitri asks, hopeful. Everyone ignores him.

“My original tweet just said ‘oomf is so annoying smh’,” he says, careful to pronounce each individual letter of the acronym, as is proper. “I don’t know why it warranted that kind of response.”

Another small blue bird flies into the room carrying a comically large scroll. Sylvain delicately removes the scroll from the bird’s leg and unrolls it. It’s very rude.

“Oh great,” Sylvain scoffs, “They’re sending a mob.”

“A  _ mob?!” _ Dimitri darts to his lance propped against the wall. “We must prepare! Hurry, professor, we must rally the students.”

Byleth shakes their head.

“Not that kind of mob,” Sylvain explains, “Don’t worry about it. You won’t get it.”

Dimitri frowns but doesn’t respond. Another bird brings another scroll. It’s just as rude as the first one.

“Stop opening the tweets,” Felix snaps.

“I can’t,” Sylvain says, “What if it’s something important?”

“There’s literally nothing important on those things. Ever,” Ingrid says. 

Bernadetta crawls out from underneath her desk and peeks around Ingrid. “See? This is why I deleted my twitter! I hate this!”

“It’s really not that bad,” Sylvain defends as another small bird carrying a scroll hits him in the side of the head. “It’s just kind of annoying, you know?”

“You were nearly crying a few minutes ago,” Hilda points out. Sylvain wonders why he brought this up in front of his entire class.

“Take a nap and wait for this all to blow over,” Linhardt says through a yawn. He lays his head down on the table and falls asleep. A bird flies into the side of  _ his _ head. He doesn’t wake.

“How does he even do that?” Sylvain mutters as another tiny bird flies into his chest.

Dimitri removes a scroll from one of the birds unfurls it. “So these are ‘tweets’?”

“Uh,” Sylvain blinks, “Yeah.”

“And what do they — ah.” Dimitri hands Sylvain the scroll. “Please refrain from bringing such content into the classroom, Sylvain.”

“Why? What does it say?” Hilda launches herself over her desk with uncharacteristic speed and takes the scroll before Sylvain can. Her eyes widen at the words. “Oh  _ wow, _ what did you  _ do?” _

“I didn’t do anything!” Sylvain whines.

_ “Coming from one whomst stanned ye olde Vriska,” _ Hilda reads in a dramatic voice. “Wow, really? Vriska?”

“She didn’t do anything wrong!” Sylvain defends his best girl.

“She  _ murdered _ people,” Ingrid says. “Not just killed, but  _ murdered.” _

“So did everybody else!” Sylvain says. Ingrid scoffs and rolls her eyes, but doesn’t continue to argue.

“Hang on,” Hilda says. She pulls a scroll out of her magic fantasy pockets and readies a pen. “I have receipts on this guy.”

_ “Hilda!” _ Sylvain whines.

“What?” Hilda laughs as she continues to write. She runs out of space and starts on another scroll. “Don’t be such a shithead and I won’t have receipts!”

“You deserve this,” Felix says.

“Do not.”

“Do, too.”

“Please, everybody, stop fighting!” Bernadetta yells. “I can’t take the tension anymore!”

Hilda sends her tweets out into the world. “Nobody’s fighting,” she says, “Everything’s fine.”

“You just sentenced me to my death,” Sylvain says with a frown. She shrugs.

“It’s fine,” she says. Then she leaves.

“I’m outta here,” Bernadetta screams as she runs out of the room.

“Wow,” Ingrid says, “You’re really gonna die.”

“I will defend you with this lance,” Dimitri pledges.

“I won’t,” Byleth says as they also leave.

“Thanks, your highness,” Sylvain nods to Dimitri. “I knew I could count on you.”

Ingrid throws up her hands “No way I’m getting involved in this,” she says as she turns to walk out of the room. Felix shakes his head and follows her, muttering something about  _ stupid fucking morons. _

It’s just Sylvain and Dimitri. And Linhardt, except he’s sleeping and doesn’t give a shit.

The first bird comes.

“It begins,” Sylvain mutters to himself. 

“Look,” Dimitri points to the open door. Sylvain gasps.

Thousands of tiny blue birds carrying comically large scrolls fly straight for him. He picks up a lance conveniently next to him on the floor and readies himself.

“If we die today,” Sylvain says, “At least we die for what we believe in.”

“I have no idea what we’re fighting for,” Dimitri says. Sylvain chuckles.

“Nobody does,” he says. “Nobody.”

**Author's Note:**

> yeehaw
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/punchyfakegamer)


End file.
